


How Much You Wanna Risk?

by offwiththeirheads



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Genderswap, Girl Direction, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 03:36:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10549400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offwiththeirheads/pseuds/offwiththeirheads
Summary: It’s Louis job to make her best friend’s birthday another memorable memory. With it comes a series of events Louis couldn’t have anticipated.Or Louis and Harry are best friends and there is some confessing to do.[ The non gender-swapped version of this fic is in Chapter 2 ]





	1. Genderswapped Version

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Star55](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star55/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY [STAR!!!](http://star55.tumblr.com/) I really hope you enjoy reading this fic as much I loved writing this for you.
> 
> Massive thanks to [KK](http://waytoomanypeopleintheaddisonlee.tumblr.com/) for britpicking and betaing this for me. 
> 
> I'd really love it if you reblog the [fic post](http://hazzabooween.tumblr.com/post/159230994031/how-much-you-wanna-risk-by-offwiththeirheads).

“The taxi’s waiting!” Niall yells over the sound of the dispersing crowd.

 

Louis groans, leaning heavily into Harry’s side. “Finally.” They make their way through the throng of sweaty bodies towards the row of steel pedestrian gates standing in a crooked line, where Niall’s waiting for them with his phone in hand.

 

“We’re going to the club.” Niall announces as they make their way to the road.

 

“What?” Harry asks. “It’s too late for the club.”

 

Louis smiles and pats Harry’s chest. “Birthday girl gets the best of the best.”

 

“You guys just want to get drunk.” Harry rolls her eyes. “But okay.”

 

“That’s my girl.” Louis rises onto her toes to press a kiss on Harry’s damp forehead.

 

Liam and Zayn are talking animatedly by the taxi as they wait for them. Niall claps them on the back and gets into the passenger seat. Harry and Louis pile into the backseat, followed by Liam and Zayn. It’s a tight fit but Harry fits right into Louis’ side with her legs thrown over Louis’ so they make do.

 

“Ed was sick innit!” Niall says from the front seat.

 

“He was amazing!” Harry agrees. “Thanks so much for this, guys. It’s been the best night ever.”

 

“Not over yet.” Liam pats Harry’s knee.

 

“Yeah.” Harry replies distractedly because she’s staring at Louis who’s staring back at her. “This means a lot to me.” Harry says, finding Louis’ hands between them. “Thanks for the tickets and finding the time to go with me.” Louis grins. Harry’s attention is making her blush but she doesn’t look away. She wants to hear this, bask in Harry’s appreciation.

 

“I’d always make time for you, Haz.” She squeezes Harry’s hand

 

“I know.” There’s a momentary pause that goes unnoticed by the others who are already on another conversation. It’s just Louis and Harry in this soft, hazy bubble of theirs. Harry wraps her arms around Louis in a hug, unrelenting and familiar.

 

They’re both drenched in sweat from head to two, smelling like they just climbed out a sewer. But it had been fun, one of the best nights Louis has had in a while. Making plans for Harry’s birthday has always been her job for the past five years since they moved into the city and gotten jobs. Louis has always tried topping the previous year’s one.

 

Watching Ed Sheeran perform had been Harry’s wish for ages and Louis had somehow managed to save money for two tickets. The others had chipped in money for their own tickets. The crowd was crazy and loud and full of enthusiasm. The adrenaline still courses through Louis’ veins like a drug. Her breath is still heavy and her ears are still ringing. It’s an experience all right.

 

Louis tucks her nose into the crook of Harry’s neck, the faint smell of perfume and sandalwood still clinging to Harry’s sticky skin. “I don’t know how to thank you.” Harry whispers into her ear. “I just—I won’t forget this.” Her voice wavers, thick and heavy. Louis can tell Harry’s on the verge of crying from happiness.

 

Louis pulls away, wiping the bead of sweat off her nose, and says, “Gotta thank these bad girls for carrying my weight earlier.” Louis squeezes Harry’s biceps to validate her message.

 

Harry chuckles. “Wouldn’t have had to if you were tall.”

 

“Hey.” Louis slaps her arm. “Not my fault.” But she had the best view, sitting on Harry’s shoulders, feeling the motion as Harry gently swayed so as not to drop her. The lights were blinding from that height and Louis could see for miles.

 

When the five of them stumble out by the club, Louis stays behind to pay the taxi fare while everyone else wanders inside.

 

It’s not the most pleasant thing, stepping into the club just after a concert. The lights are everywhere and the music is just as loud if not intimate and the people just won’t move out of the way. But at least it’s not blinding Louis’ senses too much.

 

Louis fixes her ponytail and rolls the sleeves of her plaid shirt so her tattoos are on display. They’re nonsensical ones and some of them are silly doodles like the stickman on the skateboard but they’re prone to attract attention. She finds Harry by the bar with a club soda in hand. Zayn’s seated beside her but his attention is on a brunette.

 

“Jameson on the rocks.” Louis orders as she takes a seat. “Where’s Li and Nialler?”

 

Harry looks around the room and shrugs. “No idea. Wandered off the moment they received their drinks.”

 

“You should go enjoy the rest of the night once you’re done.” Louis pointedly gestures at Harry’s drink.

 

“I’m okay here.” Harry smiles. “My legs hurt.”

 

Louis snorts. “I’d imagine.” She sobers up immediately seconds later. “Is your back okay?”

 

She watches in concern as Harry cocks her head to the side. “It’s fine.” She smiles. “I carried you only for like ten or so minutes.”

 

“Was it? Felt like forever.”

 

“I’d imagine a concert does that to one.” Harry smirks.

 

Louis grins. “I’m gonna go mingle.” She stands up and kisses Harry’s cheek. “Have fun. Come find me if you need me.”

 

Louis blends into the crowd like a shadow in the dark. Her body automatically starts moving in rhythm to the music and Louis just sinks into the feeling. She swings her hips and throws her free hand in the air as she drinks. As soon as that finishes, she hurries to order another. She gets drunk on the feeling of letting go.

 

Her dancing partner is a blonde her height, with the sharpest eye shadow smudged in the corners. Her lips are faded pink and her teeth are a faded yellow. Louis can smell the smoke even when they are apart.

 

Louis has two more drinks before going in search of the loo. Louis stumbles out of the toilet and leans against the wall, turning her face away so she won’t have to witness the gross grinding between the couple beside her. She grows weary like a child coming down from a sugar high.

 

Harry finds her minutes later. “How are you sober?” Louis grunts with narrowed eyes. There’s something in Harry’s expression that Louis cannot quite figure.

 

“Didn’t drink much. Can we leave?”

 

“You want to?” Louis frowns.

 

Harry nods. “I’m tired. I can ask Zayn though if you don’t want to. Or I can go by myself.” She wrings her hands, pulling at her fingers, and it looks painful. Louis reaches out to stop her. “Just thought I’d ask.”

 

“Let’s go. I’ve got a headache coming anyway.”

 

“Should we tell the others?” Harry doesn’t let go of Louis’ hand as she follows Louis navigate the crowd.

 

“Nah. I’ll text them.”

 

They stand in the cold wind with no jackets on except for each other’s warmth. Once they get into the taxi, they cuddle in the backseat and Louis almost falls asleep from the motion of the car.

 

It’s like paradise when they finally take the lift to their respective levels. “Good night, Haz.” Louis sticks her foot by the lift doors so they don’t shut. Harry watches her with a soft gaze that makes Louis’ stomach flip. “Hope you had a good day.”

 

“I did.” Harry smiles sleepily.

 

Suddenly, she throws herself into Louis’ arms. “Thank you. Night.”

 

Dumbfounded, Louis watches Harry’s hunched figure as the lift doors close.

 

-

  

“Hey Gertie.” Louis crouches to see the goldfish swimming from one end of the tank to the other. She presses her nose against the glass lightly and watches it swim over. Gertie stays for a while before swimming off again, disappearing behind the coral house on the sand bed.

 

Picking up the bottle of fish food sitting beside the tank on the table, Louis sprinkles some into the water. Gertie appears in a flash, bopping against the surface as it eats. Louis watches Gertie for a while longer before heading into the bathroom for a shower.

 

When she’s finally clean and smelling like citrus, she settles on the sofa with a warm mug of tea. Louis switches on the telly and flicks through several channels before deciding on a late night episode of a reality show that’s running.

 

It’s relaxing to finally rest her weary body and stretch her legs out after the long day she has had. She’s in comfortable clothes and the tea is soothing.

 

It has not even been ten minutes when the unmistakable sound of a vacuum cleaner starts. Louis stares at the ceiling where the sound is coming from, waiting for it to cease.

 

It _doesn’t_.

 

She even raises the volume of the television but it doesn’t drown out the irritating sound of the humming. The building isn’t as soundproof as one would think. Besides, Harry lives upstairs so Louis doesn’t get what the hell Harry’s doing up, especially vacuuming.

 

Louis decides to simply let it go and moves to lie over the sofa. The increased volume of the telly makes her head feel even worse, which had dwindled a few minutes ago when she’d taken some Paracetamol. She doesn’t want to deal with a throbbing head. But reducing the volume makes the humming so much louder and it agitates her. Wasn’t Harry tired? She should’ve gone to bed by now.

 

Placing the mug on the coffee table with a thump, Louis slips her feet into a pair of grey loafers and wrenches open the flat door. She marches to the lifts and taps her foot as she waits for it.

 

When she gets to the level above hers, Louis is feeling less than enthusiastic about this. She has to rap her knuckles extra hard on Harry’s door so it’s louder than the vacuum.

 

“Lou? What are you doing here?”

 

Louis surveys Harry’s state of unrest, dressed in trackies and a really large sleeveless t-shirt that hangs off her shoulders, showing off her intricate tattoos and a bit of side boob, Harry looks like she’s dying. Her hair is a nest all the way down her shoulders. Harry looked more put together at the concert. Louis enters Harry’s flat and finds the vacuum cleaner right in the middle of the living room. Harry shuts the door and follows her.

 

“You were cleaning and it was loud.”

 

“Oh god. I’m so sorry.” Harry winces. “Shit. You should’ve, like, texted me instead of troubling yourself coming all the way here.”

 

Louis shakes her head. “It’s fine. What’s wrong though?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Haz, it’s _very_ apparent. You’re cleaning at, what—“ Louis glances at the clock on the wall. “At nine thirty and you were tired earlier. So what gives?” She crosses her arms over her chest, cocks her hip to the side and waits for some bullshit answer.

 

Biting at her thumbnail, Harry stares at the floor. “I couldn’t sleep.” Louis’ glad she doesn’t have to deal with a lie at this hour.

 

Frowning, she approaches Harry. “Why’s that? Something bothering you?” She places her hands on Harry’s shoulders and peeks at her face.

 

“No.” Harry looks at her with a shake of her head. “I know I’m _tired_. I just _can’t_ sleep so it was bothering me.”

 

“So you decided to occupy yourself.”

 

With a small smile, Harry nods.

 

Louis’ shoulders slump as she exhales on a sigh and looks around the room in thought. “Let’s get outta here.” She releases Harry. “Change if you want to. I’ll be at the lifts.” It’s an impulsive decision but she knows Harry won’t back down.

 

Harry doesn’t question where they’re going. Seconds later, she joins Louis by the lifts, wearing a jumper over her t-shirt. She has two beanies in her hand. Louis takes the grey one she offers and pulls it over her head. She takes Harry’s green one and moves closer to rearrange Harry’s messy hair. “There.” She slips the beanie over Harry’s head. “Now you don’t look like an artful mess.”

 

“Thanks.” Harry’s fingers graze Louis’ wrists as they pull away.

 

Louis calls for a taxi while they stand outside the building, braced against the cold wind, this time in comfortable, warm clothes. The headlights of passing cars and the street lamps illuminate the area so they don’t exactly feel so alone at night.

 

-

 

The twenty-four hour café looks like it’s full of life, despite how empty it seems. A bulb in the neon sign flickers for a moment before going out with a crackle. They enter the warm café and Harry immediately goes in search of a booth. The girl behind the counter smiles wearily at Louis.

 

“What would you like?”

 

Louis’ eyes scour the display cabinet on the wooden counter. “Two lava cakes, a chocolate milkshake and a tea, please.”

 

She taps her fingers against the counter as she waits for the girl to fix their order. When Louis looks over her shoulder, Harry wiggles her fingers at her. She looks cosy, pressed against the wall in the corner of the booth. The few patrons remaining in the café are scattered, sitting far from each other, either doing work on their laptops or chatting with a friend. The place is calmer than it is during the morning hours Louis’ used to.

 

“Do you—um have a candle?” Louis asks as she takes the tray. Without a word, the girl leaves the counter unattended to enter the back room. She returns with a single blue candle and a lighter. “Thanks so much.”

 

Louis places the tray on the white plastic table when she reaches the booth and sits opposite Harry. Before Harry can take her food, Louis sticks the candle in the lava cake and slides the plate towards her.

 

“Since we didn’t have a big party or a cake or anything, this would have to suffice.” Louis explains as she lights the candle. She glances up to find Harry looking at her with a befuddled expression. “Make a wish before you blow it out.”

 

There’s a momentary pause as Louis watches her best friend concentrate on the cake. Harry’s eyelashes sweep across her cheeks when they flutter shut. Seconds later Harry blows the candle.

 

“Happy birthday.” Louis grins.

 

A soft smile stretches across Harry’s lips. She reaches over to hold Louis’ hand over the table. “You’re the sweetest and the cheesiest.”

 

“Hey.” Louis pretends to look affronted. “I’m the best.”

 

“Not surprising.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Just that you’re my bestest friend.”

 

“I’m your only _best_ friend.” Louis deadpans.

 

Harry picks up her milkshake. “There you have it.”

 

Louis doesn’t pull away as they dig into the cake. Harry doesn’t either so their hands lay interlocked on the table, entwined like vines. Louis realises how hungry she has been as she devours the cake. All the dancing and jumping at the concert had taken all of her energy.

 

“The best part of today was you smuggling that bottle of Coke through security.” Harry speaks. “And pretending you just had a swollen leg.”

 

Louis snorts. “Are you laughing at my expense?”

 

“No. Not at all.” Harry shakes her head very seriously although she bites her lip so hard it turns red.

 

“Arse. But Ed waving at you--that’s gotta top it.”

 

A look of amazement and wonder crosses Harry’s face. “Oh yeah. Highlight of my night.” It’s the same look Harry sported the moment she had stepped foot at the arena. Harry had marvelled at its size, and then she’d gotten star struck, disbelief written all across her face when Ed had stepped on stage. It fuelled Louis’ joy because she was the one who had helped make Harry look that way. She had been the one to make Harry so happy.

 

“You can cross that off your bucket list now.”

 

“Don’t have one.” Harry mutters.

 

Louis goes back to sipping her tea. “You should. Like a new year’s resolution.” She gasps as a light bulb goes off in her head. “ _The birthday resolution_.” She snaps her fingers for effect. “That’s what we can call it.”

 

“Tempting.” Harry chews at the straw. “I’d abandon it halfway.”

 

“Not if I’m there to make your dreams come true.”

 

Harry rolls her eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re a Genie.”

 

Louis huffs out a laugh. Harry’s humour isn’t great but it still makes her laugh. “I wish. Made your dream come true tonight though.”

 

“You did. Thanks, Genie Lou.”

 

“If I’m the Genie, you’re Aladdin.”

 

Harry looks down at herself then addresses Louis. “I’d make an Aladdina.”

 

“Wow.” Louis snorts biting down on a grin. “Pitch that to Disney.”

 

“They wouldn’t care anyway. But who’d be my Jasmine?”

 

“Gertie.” Louis says immediately.

 

There’s a pause where neither of them say anything for a moment. Seconds later they burst out laughing like lunatics. “Gertie the fish is my true love.” Harry says dreamily as she flutters her eyelashes and sways.

 

“Idiot.” Louis shakes her head. Her fingers twitch in Harry’s hold.

 

She’s itching to kiss Harry’s hand, to hold her in the moment. These are Louis’ best memories. Moments like these when it’s just them and Harry pretends to be silly and they can have a good laugh, are what Louis lives for, not that she doesn’t love everything else when it comes to Harry. Her best friend is perfection.

 

Louis wishes that Harry knew. Staring at the sleep ruffled girl in front of her, sipping milkshake with her pinkie out, Louis wants to spend every living moment being Harry’s.

 

But her chest contracts every time the thought of telling Harry crosses her mind. Life is about uncertainty. And Louis doesn’t want to risk this amazing friendship they have. It’s one of the many good things in her life. One of things she’d die for. Risking it for love isn’t ideal but it’s tempting. She’d rather have this than not have Harry at all.

 

They quietly finish their drinks, gradually pressing their feet together underneath the table. It’s about an hour later when Louis receives a text from Zayn that says they’re headed home. Niall’s text is a jumble of words that Louis can’t seem to make sense of.

 

“They’ve just left the club.” She turns the screen around so Harry can read Niall’s message. Harry snorts and taps out something incoherent, which she sends. A minute later they receive a row of emojis, skulls and waves and hearts.

 

“Send him an octopus.” Harry suggests.

 

“What does that even represent?” Louis asks as she types.

 

Harry shrugs. “No idea.” She takes out the straw so she can drink the remnants of the milkshake from the cup. When Harry finishes, there’s line of chocolate residue on her upper lip. “What are you snickering at?”

 

Without thinking, Louis leans over the table to run her thumb over Harry’s top lip. “You’re worse than my baby siblings.”

 

Harry narrows her eyes and wipes her mouth on the sleeve of her jumper. “Can’t help it that I’m not as adorable as they are to win you over.”

 

 _Oh you’ve already won me over._ Louis thinks. “That’s because you’re a six foot towering giant with useless limbs. At least you can form a sentence.”

 

“That’s true.”

 

Louis shakes her head at Harry in amusement. She carefully untangles their hands when her hand starts cramping up and leans back in her seat. Louis watches Harry play with the straw as she quietly studies the background. But Harry’s gaze falls back onto the table, concentrated and almost worrying. Louis feels the urge to say something. Instead she clamps her mouth shut and watches for a little while longer.

 

“What are you thinking?”

 

Harry startles and holds her gaze, speechless. “Uh—“ Louis folds her arms over the table and waits for Harry to collect her thoughts. “About turning twenty four.”

 

“What about turning twenty four?” Louis prompts.

 

“Just that—“ Harry shrugs. “I’m older than the year before. And maybe I should start applying for a better job that makes me want to wake up in the morning.”

 

“That’s a good start.”

 

Harry hums. “I’d like to move closer to home too.”

 

At that, Louis starts in her seat as if she’d been electrocuted. “W-what?” She can already feel her hands shaking.

 

“I want to move closer to home.” Harry repeats.

 

“Whatever for?” Louis doesn’t quite understand. It’s the first time Harry has ever spoken about this. Harry has never even expressed the thought that she might dislike living in the city. Louis isn’t sure whether she’s ruffled by the fact that Harry is unhappy living here or that she’s going to lose her best friend to miles between them. “You have friends here. You have a life here, a job and a flat and memories. Though I’ll help you find a better job. Haz, what brought this on?” Louis tries her best not to sound like she has begun to tear apart inside.

 

“I know.” Harry shrugs again, slowly lifting her eyes to look directly at Louis. “Lou…you ever want something so bad that it starts to eat at you from the inside? That even the things that made you feel better start to feel like it’s not worth it?” Louis’ heart is trying to break out of her chest from how fast it’s beating. It’s not just panic; it’s fear that’s crawling beneath her skin. “I feel like I’d have comfort back at home.”

 

Swallowing thickly, Louis jumps out of her seat to crowd Harry against the wall. She clutches Harry’s hands between hers and formulates her thoughts as best she can. “Y-you’re kind of scaring me, Haz.” _Fuck,_ Louis’ hands are going to fall off from how much they’ve started to shake. “What’s going on? You know you can talk to me. Haz, please just—“

 

“No no no.” Harry rushes to say. Her hand slips out of Louis’ hold when she reaches to cup Louis’ cheeks. “No I’m okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Louis releases a breath of air in relief. She wants to knock Harry upside the head for scaring her so much. “I’m okay. I swear.”

 

“Okay.” Louis nods as she breathes properly. Her hands come up to hold Harry’s hands over her cheeks. “Okay. What were you on about then?”

 

Harry bites into her lower lip and looks away. Her shoulders slump and her hands loosen but Louis keeps holding them against her face. “It’s nothing. It’s me being stupid and carrying my heart on my sleeve.” Louis’ heart falls the moment those words tumble from Harry’s lips.

 

But this is not about her. Harry is _hurting_ and it’s her birthday. Louis will be damned if she lets her best friend cry on her birthday. “I-I’ve felt that way too.” She decides to say which garners Harry’s full attention. “That gut wrenching ache and pain but being too afraid to go after it.”

 

“You have?”

 

Louis nods with a small smile. “Still do, and it’s _okay_ , love. It’s not the end of the world for you.” Louis is a hypocrite. It feels like the world doesn’t spin right without Harry but she’s not going to tell Harry that. “If you want something, you have to go get it.”

 

“But what i-if it ruins something good? What if I lose her?”

 

“She’s not the only swan. You’ll recover. If she cares about you, she’ll understand, she’ll talk to you about it. Communication is key remember.” Harry mimics her smile. “What matters is that you tried.”

 

“Are you quoting Shakespeare?”

 

“Is that all you got from my incredible speech?” Louis lets go of Harry’s hands so she can put an inch of space between them.

 

“No.” Harry chuckles thickly. At least it looks like she’s feeling better. “But thank you. I-I think I’ll do just that.”

 

“What?”

 

“Try.” Harry explains.

 

“I hope it works out.” Louis pats Harry’s arm with an encouraging smile. There’s a rock sitting in her stomach that Louis refuses to acknowledge. It can wait till later. It can wait till she screams into her pillow.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“So you won’t move, right?” Louis doesn’t know how she’s going to cope without Harry by her side. It’d be like losing her right hand.

 

“I know I’d _tell_ you first before I ever decide on that. Does that make you feel better?”

 

Louis snorts. Trust Harry to know what she’s freaking out about. “Sounds good to me.”

 

They stay a bit longer enjoying the heat inside the café before they decide to leave. Louis pulls out a few pounds she finds in her pocket and leaves a tip, beside the tray. On the way out of the café, she hands the lighter back to the cashier and expresses her thanks.

 

A few minutes after they decide to walk home, Harry quietly slips her hand into Louis’ who tucks herself into Harry’s side and yawns into a fist. “What time is it?”

 

Lazily, Louis pulls out her phone to glance at the time. “Ten to eleven.”

 

“You think we could bribe a taxi driver to let us borrow his car?”

“I’m not ready for jail yet.”

 

“I didn’t mean stealing.”

 

“I know, babe. I’m teasing you.” Louis glances at Harry who’s blushing furiously. She’s tempted to pinch Harry’s cheek.

 

“I could lay down right here and go to sleep.” Louis says instead. The road seems like it’s never ending and they’re nowhere near their residence. Louis’ legs are going to buckle eventually. “Wish we’d caught a cab right now.”

 

Harry shifts her arm from Louis’ waist to her shoulder. “It’s just a little bit more. Shall we stop at the grocery shop and pick up an ice cream or something?”

 

Louis yawns again and brings her fist to rub at her eye. “Okay. I’ll just wait at the counter or something.”

 

Harry is quick at the shop, in and out in less than ten. She comes out with a little more than what they planned. A tub of ice cream, a packet of popcorn, some chewing gum and mints. They chew on some of the mints as they walk the last bit home.

 

By the time they enter Louis’ level, she’s dragging her feet like a zombie.

 

“I’m going to put in a film.” Harry darts into the kitchen and Louis can hear the crackling of plastic bags. She shuts the door and slowly takes off her shoes before slumping into the sofa with a loud moan.

 

She watches Harry pop in a DVD, and open the tub of ice cream. Louis doesn’t have the heart to refuse any of this, despite feeling the exhaustion deep in her bones. Harry has had a bit of a rough night, it’s her birthday, and Louis won’t ever say no to spending time with her. Harry looks so much better than she did when Louis had stomped upstairs to berate her for making so much noise. She’s not about to make Harry leave.

 

Louis throws her legs over Harry’s when she burrows into the corner of the sofa. The keenness in Harry’s movements is so apparent, as if she’d forgotten what had been troubling her earlier. Louis halts in her movements to grab the throw over the sofa when she hears the soundtrack of Aladdin playing. “Seriously?” Harry grins and holds out the ice cream.

 

“I don’t see Gertie complaining.”

 

Louis rolls her eyes but covers them both with the blanket and grabs the extra spoon. “Whatever you say, peasant.”

 

Louis was _wrong_. She’s not going to survive an hour being awake. It’s like sleep is a drug and it’s coaxing her into addiction or something. She really just wants to rest. Her eyes are heavy and she hasn’t stopped yawning in the past five minutes. She has even stopped attempting to eat the ice cream.

 

Louis’ eyes fly open when the audio turns mute. The movie is playing in low volume so Louis just assumes Harry isn’t interested in watching it anymore either. Until Harry shifts and Louis lifts her head from where she’s resting it on Harry’s shoulder. Before Louis can say anything, Harry leaves the living room. She returns with a tall glass of water and presses it against Louis’ hands.

 

Without question Louis gulps down half of it and once she’s done Harry edges closer to her on the sofa. Louis knows this stance, this thoughtful expression Harry sports. It’s gotten Louis’ nervous all of a sudden. Her brain plays a loop of _what’s going on._ The question is on the tip of Louis’ tongue but they don’t come out.

 

“Lou, I have something to tell you.” It’s the same sentence Louis heard when Harry broke the news about her prom date in secondary school. Louis had spent a week crying after that.

 

Too lost for words, Louis nods instead for Harry to continue. “I-I’ve been thinking about it for weeks now. And…and today sort of made me realise what I had to lose but also what I could have.” There’s a long speech brewing, Louis can sense it and to be quite honest, she doesn’t have it in her to hear about a girl Harry is yearning for, tonight. Louis knows she’s going to end up more hurt than she had felt in the café.

 

Louis stops pulling at the seams of the blanket, to place her hand on Harry’s knee. “Please get on with it, Haz.” It’s a plea that sounds wretched in her head. She doesn’t know if Harry can sense it but she can’t bother to care in that moment.

 

Harry furrows her brows. Her throat bobs as she swallows and stares intently at the screen, flickering with colours too bright for their eyes. “I l—love you.”

 

Time stops so fast it appears as if the moment has been suspended. The ringing in Louis’ ears grows louder by the second. There’s a gasp in the quiet of the room and she’s fairly sure it had come from her. The band around Louis’ chest splinters, the hand on Harry’s knee tightens, her body feels like it’s trying to jump. “What?”

 

Harry looks pained as if she has been asked to stomp on her heart. But when Harry breathes deeply and steels herself, Louis feels pride bloom in her chest in that moment. Years to come, Louis’ going to remind Harry how brave she was this night, braver than Louis had ever had the guts to be.

 

“I _love_ you, Lou.”

 

The sob that rips through Harry’s lips is what makes Louis jump into action. Her heart squeezes at the pitiful sound. “Oh god.” She pulls Harry into a hug and Harry hides her face in Louis’ neck, muttering a string of _I’m sorrys_.

 

Louis rocks them back and forth unable to think of a proper course of action. Her tongue has knotted itself in her mouth and her head is a repeat of Harry’s soft confession. Louis’ tempted to think it’s a joke but Harry _crying_ in her arms isn’t a joke. Harry _apologising_ isn’t a prank.

 

Harry is _apologising_.

 

 _Oh god_ Louis realises with a start. She pulls away and holds Harry’s face in her hands. “Honey, look at me. Come on, babe.” Louis’ words tumble over each other in her haste to fix this.

 

When Harry lifts her dull eyes to look at her, Louis does the only thing she feels will make Harry shut up.

 

Louis _kisses_ her.

 

Their lips are pressed for a total of ten seconds before Harry starts moving hers.

It’s not perfect, teeth knocking and noses nudging as they try to adopt but Louis’ heart skips beats and her stomach doesn’t stop fluttering. Her senses are dulled to the world except for the feel of Harry’s lips against hers and the sound of Harry’s heavy breathing.

 

Louis’ fingers find purchase at the back of Harry’s neck. One hand cups Harry’s cheek. Louis rubs her thumb tenderly against the side of Harry’s lips. The smack of their lips is an echo in her ears as Louis groans into Harry’s mouth. She can feel her own fingers trembling just slightly out of pure shock and desperation.

 

Harry shuffles in her seat, her hands scrambling to grip Louis by her waist. The longer they kiss, the more Louis wants. She scrambles onto her knees to straddle Harry’s lap without breaking their kiss. When Harry’s hair gets in between, Louis sputters and brushes it away.

 

In their hurry and hunger for each other, Louis _slips_.

 

Harry is just in time to grasp her by the arms but they break apart and slide onto the floor.

 

Louis leans backwards, hands pressed against the floor to prop herself up. She stares at Harry’s flushed face, tear streaked and displaying signs of what they’ve just been up to. Harry is still holding Louis by the arms, leaning so forward that her bum is just inches on the sofa. Harry sniffs and lets go. Louis scoots backwards so Harry can sit facing her, legs folded and pressed against her chest.

 

“What was that for?” Louis winces at the sound of Harry’s croaky voice, still thick and hoarse. Her gaze follows Harry’s crimson bitten lips, her stuffy nose all the way to her swollen eyes. The light from the kitchen makes Harry’s face glow and Louis can make out her eyelashes caked in tears.

 

Louis moves close enough to be inches apart from Harry who’s patiently waiting for an answer. Louis runs a finger across Harry’s furrowed brows. “Because I love you too.” Harry freezes as if in shock. Louis continues quickly so Harry won’t have a chance to interrupt. “I had to stop you apologising for something you had no control over.” For a moment, a look of hurt crosses Harry’s features. “I was the coward who couldn’t tell you the truth but here you are, having taken a leap.”

 

“Because _you_ told me to.”

 

Louis smiles softly. “I’m glad I did. I thought you’d found a girl.”

 

Harry reaches for her hand and Louis lets her, smiling as their fingers slip into the spaces. “It was you.”

 

“I’m so happy right now, Haz.” Louis’ chuckle sounds like a sob. “I thought I had lost you to someone else. That I was too late.” She squeezes their fingers. “And when you told me you wanted to leave, I wanted to disappear. I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long.” She lets her eyes focus on their hands instead. It’s not as intense as looking into Harry’s eyes.

 

“How long?” It’s a question that doesn’t need elaboration.

 

“Since I came out at sixteen. I think I’ve always felt something for you.” She grins at the memories of all those years. They seemed to have only ever harvested jealousy and anger and agony. Sharp pain like the blade of a knife.

 

She had witnessed Harry dating other girls but never had the courage to confess her own feelings. “First it was a crush, then jealousy and resentment. Back then I didn’t know what it was exactly or what I wanted. I didn’t want you to give others your attention. I’d have messed it up if we were together _then_. Now feels right.”

 

“So we’ve both been pining for each other?”

 

“Pretty much.” Louis nods.

 

“You remember that time you convinced me to sign up as a volunteer to help the theatre kids with their costumes?”

 

Louis nods but adds. “I was _in_ the play.”

 

“Yeah but the play was put on for little kids.”

 

Harry’s face is bright. The corners of her lips are curled upwards and her nose scrunches as she speaks. “Yeah.”

 

“That’s when I knew I wanted to be _more_ than your friend.”

 

Louis wants to freeze this moment where Harry watches her lovingly and Harry’s words keep playing to the soundtrack of “Something Just Like This”. Instead, she leans over and kisses Harry so fast it seems like it never happened. “I fell in love in the summer of sixty nine.”

 

A suspended moment of silence rings before Harry keels over in a honk of laughter. “You just ruined the moment.” Louis laughs with her, holding Harry’s shoulders and eyes wrinkling into slits.

 

“Seriously,” Louis says as she recovers. “It was secondary school graduation when you brought me a dozen carnations along with a crappy hand made note. That’s when I really knew.”

 

“Wow.” Harry wipes her eyes as she is reduced to chuckling. “What have we been doing this whole time?”

 

Louis shrugs. “Trying not to ruin a friendship apparently.”

 

“Oh god, I love you.” Louis doesn’t protest when Harry crawls over and presses their lips together.

 

“So we’re officially girlfriends.” Harry says when they’re cuddled on the pull out sofa. The ice cream tub is empty and the end credits of Aladdin are playing in the background.

 

Louis switches off the telly, tosses the remote onto the table and tightens the blanket around them. “Can you believe that?”

 

Harry hides a snort in her neck. Louis shifts when it tickles her.

 

“We’re going to be grandparents to Gertie’s babies.” Louis sighs wistfully, staring at the fish tank. There’s no sign of Gertie, probably sleeping soundly in its coral.

 

“Gertie’s a boy.” Harry deadpans.

 

Louis turns her head to face Harry with a look of horror. “What?”

 

This time Harry doesn’t hold back her laughter.


	2. Non Genderswapped Version

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Louis job to make his best friend’s birthday another memorable memory. With it comes a series of events Louis couldn’t have anticipated.
> 
> Or Louis and Harry are best friends and there is some confessing to do.

“The taxi’s waiting!” Niall yells over the sound of the dispersing crowd.

 

Louis groans, leaning heavily into Harry’s side. “Finally.” They make their way through the throng of sweaty bodies towards the row of steel pedestrian gates standing in a crooked line, where Niall’s waiting for them with his phone in hand.

 

“We’re going to the club.” Niall announces as they make their way to the road.

 

“What?” Harry asks. “It’s too late for the club.”

 

Louis smiles and pats Harry’s chest. “Birthday boy gets the best of the best.”

 

“You guys just want to get drunk.” Harry rolls his eyes. “But okay.”

 

“That’s my boy.” Louis rises onto his toes to press a kiss on Harry’s damp forehead.

 

Liam and Zayn are talking animatedly by the taxi as they wait for them. Niall claps them on the back and gets into the passenger seat. Harry and Louis pile into the backseat, followed by Liam and Zayn. It’s a tight fit but Harry fits right into Louis’ side with his legs thrown over Louis’ so they make do.

 

“Ed was sick innit!” Niall says from the front seat.

 

“He was amazing!” Harry agrees. “Thanks so much for this, guys. It’s been the best night ever.”

 

“Not over yet.” Liam pats Harry’s knee.

 

“Yeah.” Harry replies distractedly because he’s staring at Louis who’s staring back at him. “This means a lot to me.” Harry says, finding Louis’ hands between them. “Thanks for the tickets and finding the time to go with me.” Louis grins. Harry’s attention is making him blush but he doesn’t look away. He wants to hear this, bask in Harry’s appreciation.

 

“I’d always make time for you, Haz.” He squeezes Harry’s hand

 

“I know.” There’s a momentary pause that goes unnoticed by the others who are already on another conversation. It’s just Louis and Harry in this soft, hazy bubble of theirs. Harry wraps his arms around Louis in a hug, unrelenting and familiar.

 

They’re both drenched in sweat from head to two, smelling like they just climbed out a sewer. But it had been fun, one of the best nights Louis has had in a while. Making plans for Harry’s birthday has always been his job for the past five years since they moved into the city and gotten jobs. Louis has always tried topping the previous year’s one.

 

Watching Ed Sheeran perform had been Harry’s wish for ages and Louis had somehow managed to save money for two tickets. The others had chipped in money for their own tickets. The crowd was crazy and loud and full of enthusiasm. The adrenaline still courses through Louis’ veins like a drug. His breath is still heavy and his ears are still ringing. It’s an experience all right.

 

Louis tucks his nose into the crook of Harry’s neck, the faint smell of cologne and sandalwood still clinging to Harry’s sticky skin. “I don’t know how to thank you.” Harry whispers into his ear. “I just—I won’t forget this.” His voice wavers, thick and heavy. Louis can tell Harry’s on the verge of crying from happiness.

 

Louis pulls away, wiping the bead of sweat off his nose, and says, “Gotta thank these bad boys for carrying my weight earlier.” Louis squeezes Harry’s biceps to validate his message.

 

Harry chuckles. “Wouldn’t have had to if you were tall.”

 

“Hey.” Louis slaps his arm. “Not my fault.” But he had the best view, sitting on Harry’s shoulders, feeling the motion as Harry gently swayed so as not to drop him. The lights were blinding from that height and Louis could see for miles.

 

When the five of them stumble out by the club, Louis stays behind to pay the taxi fare while everyone else wanders inside.

 

It’s not the most pleasant thing, stepping into the club just after a concert. The lights are everywhere and the music is just as loud if not intimate and the people just won’t move out of the way. But at least it’s not blinding Louis’ senses too much.

 

Louis fixes his fringe and rolls the sleeves of his plaid shirt so his tattoos are on display. They’re nonsensical ones and some of them are silly doodles like the stickman on the skateboard but they’re prone to attract attention. He finds Harry by the bar with a club soda in hand. Zayn’s seated beside him but his attention is on a brunette.

 

“Jameson on the rocks.” Louis orders as he takes a seat. “Where’s Li and Nialler?”

 

Harry looks around the room and shrugs. “No idea. Wandered off the moment they received their drinks.”

 

“You should go enjoy the rest of the night once you’re done.” Louis pointedly gestures at Harry’s drink.

 

“I’m okay here.” Harry smiles. “My legs hurt.”

 

Louis snorts. “I’d imagine.” He sobers up immediately seconds later. “Is your back okay?”

 

He watches in concern as Harry cocks his head to the side. “It’s fine.” He smiles. “I carried you only for like ten or so minutes.”

 

“Was it? Felt like forever.”

 

“I’d imagine a concert does that to one.” Harry smirks.

 

Louis grins. “I’m gonna go mingle.” He stands up and kisses Harry’s cheek. “Have fun. Come find me if you need me.”

 

Louis blends into the crowd like a shadow in the dark. His body automatically starts moving in rhythm to the music and Louis just sinks into the feeling. He swings his hips and throws his free hand in the air as he drinks. As soon as that finishes, he hurries to order another. He gets drunk on the feeling of letting go.

 

His dancing partner is a blonde his height, with the sharpest brown eyes and kohl smudged in the corners. His teeth are a faded yellow. Louis can smell the smoke even when they are apart.

 

Louis has two more drinks before going in search of the loo. He stumbles out of the toilet and leans against the wall, turning his face away so he won’t have to witness the gross grinding between the couple beside him. Louis grows weary like a child coming down from a sugar high.

 

Harry finds him minutes later. “How are you sober?” Louis grunts with narrowed eyes. There’s something in Harry’s expression that Louis cannot quite figure.

 

“Didn’t drink much. Can we leave?”

 

“You want to?” Louis frowns.

 

Harry nods. “I’m tired. I can ask Zayn though if you don’t want to. Or I can go by myself.” He wrings his hands, pulling at his fingers, and it looks painful. Louis reaches out to stop him. “Just thought I’d ask.”

 

“Let’s go. I’ve got a headache coming anyway.”

 

“Should we tell the others?” Harry doesn’t let go of Louis’ hand as he follows Louis navigate the crowd.

 

“Nah. I’ll text them.”

 

They stand in the cold wind with no jackets on except for each other’s warmth. Once they get into the taxi, they cuddle in the backseat and Louis almost falls asleep from the motion of the car.

 

It’s like paradise when they finally take the lift to their respective levels. “Good night, Haz.” Louis sticks his foot by the lift doors so they don’t shut. Harry watches him with a soft gaze that makes Louis’ stomach flip. “Hope you had a good day.”

 

“I did.” Harry smiles sleepily.

 

Suddenly, he throws himself into Louis’ arms. “Thank you. Night.”

 

Dumbfounded, Louis watches Harry’s hunched figure as the lift doors close.

 

-

  

“Hey Gertie.” Louis crouches to see the goldfish swimming from one end of the tank to the other. He presses his nose against the glass lightly and watches it swim over. Gertie stays for a while before swimming off again, disappearing behind the coral house on the sand bed.

 

Picking up the bottle of fish food sitting beside the tank on the table, Louis sprinkles some into the water. Gertie appears in a flash, bopping against the surface as it eats. Louis watches Gertie for a while longer before heading into the bathroom for a shower.

 

When he’s finally clean and smelling like citrus, he settles on the sofa with a warm mug of tea. Louis switches on the telly and flicks through several channels before deciding on a late night episode of a reality show that’s running.

 

It’s relaxing to finally rest his weary body and stretch his legs out after the long day he has had. He’s in comfortable clothes and the tea is soothing.

 

It has not even been ten minutes when the unmistakable sound of a vacuum cleaner starts. Louis stares at the ceiling where the sound is coming from, waiting for it to cease.

 

It _doesn’t_.

 

He even raises the volume of the television but it doesn’t drown out the irritating sound of the humming. The building isn’t as soundproof as one would think. Besides, Harry lives upstairs so Louis doesn’t get what the hell Harry’s doing up, especially vacuuming.

 

Louis decides to simply let it go and moves to lie over the sofa. The increased volume of the telly makes his head feel even worse, which had dwindled a few minutes ago when he’d taken some Paracetamol. He doesn’t want to deal with a throbbing head. But reducing the volume makes the humming so much louder and it agitates him. Wasn’t Harry tired? He should’ve gone to bed by now.

 

Placing the mug on the coffee table with a thump, Louis slips his feet into a pair of grey loafers and wrenches open the flat door. He marches to the lifts and taps his foot as he waits for it.

 

When he gets to the level above his, Louis is feeling less than enthusiastic about this. He has to rap his knuckles extra hard on Harry’s door so it’s louder than the vacuum.

 

“Lou? What are you doing here?”

 

Louis surveys Harry’s state of unrest, dressed in trackies and a really large sleeveless t-shirt that hangs off his shoulders, showing off his detailed tattoos, Harry looks like he’s dying. His short hair looks like a nest. Harry looked more put together at the concert. Louis enters Harry’s flat and finds the vacuum cleaner right in the middle of the living room. Harry shuts the door and follows him.

 

“You were cleaning and it was loud.”

 

“Oh god. I’m so sorry.” Harry winces. “Shit. You should’ve, like, texted me instead of troubling yourself coming all the way here.”

 

Louis shakes his head. “It’s fine. What’s wrong though?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Haz, it’s _very_ apparent. You’re cleaning at, what—“ Louis glances at the clock on the wall. “At nine thirty and you were tired earlier. So what gives?” He crosses his arms over his chest, cocks his hip to the side and waits for some bullshit answer.

 

Biting at his thumbnail, Harry stares at the floor. “I couldn’t sleep.” Louis’ glad he doesn’t have to deal with a lie at this hour.

 

Frowning, he approaches Harry. “Why’s that? Something bothering you?” Louis places his hands on Harry’s shoulders and peeks at his face.

 

“No.” Harry looks at him with a shake of his head. “I know I’m _tired_. I just _can’t_ sleep so it was bothering me.”

 

“So you decided to occupy yourself.”

 

With a small smile, Harry nods.

 

Louis’ shoulders slump as he exhales on a sigh and looks around the room in thought. “Let’s get outta here.” He releases Harry. “Change if you want to. I’ll be at the lifts.” It’s an impulsive decision but he knows Harry won’t back down.

 

Harry doesn’t question where they’re going. Seconds later, he joins Louis by the lifts, wearing a jumper over his t-shirt. He has two beanies in his hand. Louis takes the grey one he offers and pulls it over his head. He takes Harry’s green one and moves closer to rearrange Harry’s messy hair. “There.” He slips the beanie over Harry’s head. “Now you don’t look like an artful mess.”

 

“Thanks.” Harry’s fingers graze Louis’ wrists as they pull away.

 

Louis calls for a taxi while they stand outside the building, braced against the cold wind, this time in comfortable, warm clothes. The headlights of passing cars and the street lamps illuminate the area so they don’t exactly feel so alone at night.

 

-

 

The twenty-four hour café looks like it’s full of life, despite how empty it seems. A bulb in the neon sign flickers for a moment before going out with a crackle. They enter the warm café and Harry immediately goes in search of a booth. The girl behind the counter smiles wearily at Louis.

 

“What would you like?”

 

Louis’ eyes scour the display cabinet on the wooden counter. “Two lava cakes, a chocolate milkshake and a tea, please.”

 

He taps her fingers against the counter as he waits for the girl to fix their order. When Louis looks over his shoulder, Harry wiggles his fingers at him. He looks cosy, pressed against the wall in the corner of the booth. The few patrons remaining in the café are scattered, sitting far from each other, either doing work on their laptops or chatting with a friend. The place is calmer than it is during the morning hours Louis’ used to.

 

“Do you—um have a candle?” Louis asks as he takes the tray. Without a word, the girl leaves the counter unattended to enter the back room. She returns with a single blue candle and a lighter. “Thanks so much.”

 

Louis places the tray on the white plastic table when he reaches the booth and sits opposite Harry. Before Harry can take his food, Louis sticks the candle in the lava cake and slides the plate towards him.

 

“Since we didn’t have a big party or a cake or anything, this would have to suffice.” Louis explains as he lights the candle. He glances up to find Harry looking at him with a befuddled expression. “Make a wish before you blow it out.”

 

There’s a momentary pause as Louis watches his best friend concentrate on the cake. Harry’s eyelashes sweep across his cheeks when they flutter shut. Seconds later Harry blows the candle.

 

“Happy birthday.” Louis grins.

 

A soft smile stretches across Harry’s lips. He reaches over to hold Louis’ hand over the table. “You’re the sweetest and the cheesiest.”

 

“Hey.” Louis pretends to look affronted. “I’m the best.”

 

“Not surprising.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Just that you’re my bestest friend.”

 

“I’m your only _best_ friend.” Louis deadpans.

 

Harry picks up his milkshake. “There you have it.”

 

Louis doesn’t pull away as they dig into the cake. Harry doesn’t either so their hands lay interlocked on the table, entwined like vines. Louis realises how hungry he has been as he devours the cake. All the dancing and jumping at the concert had taken all of his energy.

 

“The best part of today was you smuggling that bottle of Coke through security.” Harry speaks. “And pretending you just had a swollen leg.”

 

Louis snorts. “Are you laughing at my expense?”

 

“No. Not at all.” Harry shakes his head very seriously although he bites his lip so hard it turns red.

 

“Arse. But Ed waving at you--that’s gotta top it.”

 

A look of amazement and wonder crosses Harry’s face. “Oh _yeah_. Highlight of my night.” It’s the same look Harry sported the moment he had stepped foot at the arena. Harry had marvelled at its size, and then he’d gotten star struck, disbelief written all across his face when Ed had stepped on stage. It fuelled Louis’ joy because he was the one who had helped make Harry look that way. He had been the one to make Harry so happy.

 

“You can cross that off your bucket list now.”

 

“Don’t have one.” Harry mutters.

 

Louis goes back to sipping his tea. “You should. Like a new year’s resolution.” He gasps as a light bulb goes off in his head. “ _The birthday resolution_.” He snaps his fingers for effect. “That’s what we can call it.”

 

“Tempting.” Harry chews at the straw. “I’d abandon it halfway.”

 

“Not if I’m there to make your dreams come true.”

 

Harry rolls his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re a Genie.”

 

Louis huffs out a laugh. Harry’s humour isn’t great but it still makes him laugh. “I wish. Made your dream come true tonight though.”

 

“You did. Thanks, Genie Lou.”

 

“If I’m the Genie, you’re Aladdin.”

 

Harry looks down at himself then nods with an impressed look. “But who’d be my Jasmine?”

 

“Gertie.” Louis says immediately.

 

There’s a pause where neither of them say anything for a moment. Seconds later they burst out laughing like lunatics. “Gertie the fish is my true love.” Harry says dreamily as he flutters his eyelashes and sways in his seat.

 

“Idiot.” Louis shakes his head. His fingers twitch in Harry’s hold.

 

He’s itching to kiss Harry’s hand, to hold him in the moment. These are Louis’ best memories. Moments like these when it’s just them and Harry pretends to be silly and they can have a good laugh, are what Louis lives for, not that he doesn’t love everything else when it comes to Harry. His best friend is perfection.

 

Louis wishes that Harry knew. Staring at the sleep ruffled man in front of him, sipping milkshake with his pinkie out, Louis wants to spend every living moment being Harry’s.

 

But his chest contracts every time the thought of telling Harry crosses his mind. Life is about uncertainty. And Louis doesn’t want to risk this amazing friendship they have. It’s one of the many good things in his life. One of things he’d die for. Risking it for love isn’t ideal but it’s tempting. He’d rather have this than not have Harry at all.

 

They quietly finish their drinks, gradually pressing their feet together underneath the table. It’s about an hour later when Louis receives a text from Zayn that says they’re headed home. Niall’s text is a jumble of words that Louis can’t seem to make sense of.

 

“They’ve just left the club.” He turns the screen around so Harry can read Niall’s message. Harry snorts and taps out something incoherent, which he sends. A minute later they receive a row of emojis, skulls and waves and hearts.

 

“Send him an octopus.” Harry suggests.

 

“What does that even represent?” Louis asks as he types.

 

Harry shrugs. “No idea.” He takes out the straw so he can drink the remnants of the milkshake from the cup. When Harry finishes, there’s line of chocolate residue on his upper lip. “What are you snickering at?”

 

Without thinking, Louis leans over the table to run his thumb over Harry’s top lip. “You’re worse than my baby siblings.”

 

Harry narrows his eyes and wipes his mouth on the sleeve of his jumper. “Can’t help it that I’m not as adorable as they are to win you over.”

 

_Oh you’ve already won me over._ Louis thinks. “That’s because you’re a six foot towering giant with useless limbs. At least you can form a sentence.”

 

“That’s true.”

 

Louis shakes his head at Harry in amusement. He carefully untangles their hands when his hand starts cramping up and leans back in his seat. Louis watches Harry play with the straw as he quietly studies the background. But Harry’s gaze falls back onto the table, concentrated and almost worrying. Louis feels the urge to say something. Instead he clamps his mouth shut and watches for a little while longer.

 

“What are you thinking?”

 

Harry startles and holds Louis’ gaze, speechless. “Uh—“ Louis folds his arms over the table and waits for Harry to collect his thoughts. “About turning twenty four.”

 

“What about turning twenty four?” Louis prompts.

 

“Just that—“ Harry shrugs. “I’m older than the year before. And maybe I should start applying for a better job that makes me want to wake up in the morning.”

 

“That’s a good start.”

 

Harry hums. “I’d like to move closer to home too.”

 

At that, Louis starts in his seat as if he’d been electrocuted. “W-what?” He can already feel his hands shaking.

 

“I want to move closer to home.” Harry repeats.

 

“Whatever for?” Louis doesn’t quite understand. It’s the first time Harry has ever spoken about this. Harry has never even expressed the thought that he might dislike living in the city. Louis isn’t sure whether he’s ruffled by the fact that Harry is unhappy living here or that he’s might lose his best friend to miles between them. “You have friends here. You have a life here, a job and a flat and memories. Though I’ll help you find a better job. Haz, what brought this on?” Louis tries his best not to sound like he has begun to tear apart inside.

 

“I know.” Harry shrugs again, slowly lifting his eyes to look directly at Louis. “Lou…you ever want something so bad that it starts to eat at you from the inside? That even the things that made you feel better start to feel like it’s not worth it?” Louis’ heart is trying to break out of his chest from how fast it’s beating. It’s not just panic; it’s fear that’s crawling beneath his skin. “I feel like I’d have comfort back at home.”

 

Swallowing thickly, Louis jumps out of his seat to crowd Harry against the wall. He clutches Harry’s hands between his and formulates his thoughts as best he can. “Y-you’re kind of scaring me, Haz.” _Fuck,_ Louis’ hands are going to fall off from how much they’ve started to shake. “What’s going on? You know you can talk to me. Haz, please just—“

 

“No no no.” Harry rushes to say. His hand slips out of Louis’ hold when he reaches to cup Louis’ cheeks. “No I’m okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Louis releases a breath of air in relief. He wants to knock Harry upside the head for scaring him so much. “I’m okay. I swear.”

 

“Okay.” Louis nods as he breathes properly. His hands come up to hold Harry’s hands over his cheeks. “Okay. What were you on about then?”

 

Harry bites into his lower lip and looks away. His shoulders slump and his hands loosen but Louis keeps holding them against his face. “It’s nothing. It’s me being stupid and carrying my heart on my sleeve.” Louis’ heart falls the moment those words tumble from Harry’s lips.

 

But this is not about him. Harry is _hurting_ and it’s his birthday. Louis will be damned if he lets his best friend cry on his special day. “I-I’ve felt that way too.” He decides to say which garners Harry’s full attention. “That gut wrenching ache and pain but being too afraid to go after it.”

 

“You have?”

 

Louis nods with a small smile. “Still do, and it’s _okay_ , love. It’s not the end of the world for you.” Louis is a hypocrite. It feels like the world doesn’t spin right without Harry but he’s not going to tell Harry that. “If you want something, you have to go get it.”

 

“But what i-if it ruins something good? What if I lose him?”

 

“He’s not the only bloke. You’ll recover. If he cares about you, he’ll understand, he’ll talk to you about it. Communication is key remember.” Harry mimics his smile. “What matters is that you tried.”

 

“Are you quoting Shakespeare?”

 

“Is that all you got from my incredible speech?” Louis lets go of Harry’s hands so he can put an inch of space between them.

 

“No.” Harry chuckles thickly. At least it looks like he’s feeling better. “But thank you. I-I think I’ll do just that.”

 

“What?”

 

“Try.” Harry explains.

 

“I hope it works out.” Louis pats Harry’s arm with an encouraging smile. There’s a rock sitting in his stomach that Louis refuses to acknowledge. It can wait till later. It can wait till he screams into his pillow.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“So you won’t move, right?” Louis doesn’t know how he’s going to cope without Harry by his side. It’d be like losing his right hand.

 

“I know I’d _tell_ you first before I ever decide on that. Does that make you feel better?”

 

Louis snorts. Trust Harry to know what he’s freaking out about. “Sounds good to me.”

 

They stay a bit longer enjoying the heat inside the café before they decide to leave. Louis pulls out a few pounds he finds in his pocket and leaves a tip, beside the tray. On the way out of the café, he hands the lighter back to the cashier and expresses his thanks.

 

A few minutes after they decide to walk home, Harry quietly slips his hand into Louis’ who tucks himself into Harry’s side and yawns into a fist. “What time is it?”

 

Lazily, Louis pulls out his phone to glance at the time. “Ten to eleven.”

 

“You think we could bribe a taxi driver to let us borrow his car?”

“I’m not ready for jail yet.”

 

“I didn’t mean stealing.”

 

“I know, babe. I’m teasing you.” Louis glances at Harry who’s blushing furiously. He’s tempted to pinch Harry’s cheek.

 

“I could lay down right here and go to sleep.” Louis says instead. The road seems like it’s never ending and they’re nowhere near their residence. Louis’ legs are going to buckle eventually. “Wish we’d caught a cab right now.”

 

Harry shifts his arm from Louis’ waist to his shoulder. “It’s just a little bit more. Shall we stop at the grocery shop and pick up an ice cream or something?”

 

Louis yawns again and brings his fist to rub at his eye. “Okay. I’ll just wait at the counter or something.”

 

Harry is quick at the shop, in and out in less than ten. He buys a little more than what they planned. A tub of ice cream, a packet of popcorn, some chewing gum and mints. They chew on some of the mints as they walk the last bit home.

 

By the time they enter Louis’ level, he’s dragging his feet like a zombie.

 

“I’m going to put in a film.” Harry darts into the kitchen and Louis can hear the crackling of plastic bags. He shuts the door and slowly takes off his shoes before slumping into the sofa with a loud moan.

 

He watches Harry pop in a DVD, and open the tub of ice cream. Louis doesn’t have the heart to refuse any of this, despite feeling the exhaustion deep in his bones. Harry has had a bit of a rough night, it’s his big night, and Louis won’t ever say no to spending time with him. Harry looks so much better than he did when Louis had stomped upstairs to berate him for making so much noise. He’s not about to make Harry leave.

 

Louis throws his legs over Harry’s when he burrows into the corner of the sofa. The keenness in Harry’s movements is so apparent, as if he’d forgotten what had been troubling him earlier. Louis halts in his movements to grab the throw over the sofa when he hears the soundtrack of Aladdin playing. “Seriously?” Harry grins and holds out the ice cream.

 

“I don’t see Gertie complaining.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes but covers them both with the blanket and grabs the extra spoon. “Whatever you say, peasant.”

 

Louis was _wrong_. He’s not going to survive an hour being awake. It’s like sleep is a drug and it’s coaxing him into addiction or something. He really just wants to rest. His eyes are heavy and he hasn’t stopped yawning in the past five minutes. He has even stopped attempting to eat the ice cream.

 

Louis’ eyes fly open when the audio turns mute. The movie is playing in low volume so Louis just assumes Harry isn’t interested in watching it anymore either. Until Harry shifts and Louis lifts his head from where he’s resting it on Harry’s shoulder. Before Louis can say anything, Harry leaves the living room. He returns with a tall glass of water and presses it against Louis’ hands.

 

Without question Louis gulps down half of it and once he’s done Harry edges closer to him on the sofa. Louis knows this stance, this thoughtful expression Harry sports. It’s gotten Louis’ nervous all of a sudden. His brain plays a loop of _what’s going on._ The question is on the tip of Louis’ tongue but they don’t come out.

 

“Lou, I have something to tell you.” It’s the same sentence Louis heard when Harry broke the news about his prom date in secondary school. Louis had spent a week crying after that.

 

Too lost for words, Louis nods instead for Harry to continue. “I-I’ve been thinking about it for weeks now. And…and today sort of made me realise what I had to lose but also what I could have.” There’s a long speech brewing, Louis can sense it and to be quite honest, he doesn’t have it in him to hear about a man Harry is yearning for, tonight. Louis knows he’s going to end up more hurt than he had felt in the café.

 

Louis stops pulling at the seams of the blanket, to place his hand on Harry’s knee. “Please get on with it, Haz.” It’s a plea that sounds wretched in his head. He doesn’t know if Harry can sense it but he can’t bother to care in that moment.

 

Harry furrows his brows. His throat bobs as he swallows and stares intently at the screen, flickering with colours too bright for their eyes. “I l—love you.”

 

Time stops so fast it appears as if the moment has been suspended. The ringing in Louis’ ears grows louder by the second. There’s a gasp in the quiet of the room and Louis’ fairly sure it had come from him. The band around Louis’ chest splinters, the hand on Harry’s knee tightens, his body feels like it’s trying to jump. “What?”

 

Harry looks pained as if he has been asked to stomp on his heart. But when Harry breathes deeply and steels himself, Louis feels pride bloom in his chest in that moment. Years to come, Louis’ going to remind Harry how brave he was this night, braver than Louis had ever had the guts to be.

 

“I _love_ you, Lou.”

 

The sob that rips through Harry’s lips is what makes Louis jump into action. His heart squeezes at the pitiful sound. “Oh god.” He pulls Harry into an embrace and Harry hides his face in Louis’ neck, muttering a string of _I’m sorrys_.

 

Louis rocks them back and forth unable to think of a proper course of action. His tongue has knotted itself in his mouth and his head is a repeat of Harry’s soft confession. Louis’ tempted to think it’s a joke but Harry _crying_ in his arms isn’t a joke. Harry _apologising_ isn’t a prank.

 

Harry is _apologising_.

 

_Oh god_ Louis realises with a start. He pulls away and holds Harry’s face in his hands. “Honey, look at me. Come on, babe.” Louis’ words tumble over each other in his haste to fix this.

 

When Harry lifts his dull eyes to look at him, Louis does the only thing he thinks will make Harry shut up.

 

Louis _kisses_ him.

 

Their lips are pressed for a total of ten seconds before Harry starts moving his.

It’s not perfect, teeth knocking and noses nudging as they try to adopt but Louis’ heart skips beats and his stomach doesn’t stop fluttering. His senses are dulled to the world except for the feel of Harry’s lips against his and the sound of Harry’s heavy breathing.

 

Louis’ fingers find purchase at the back of Harry’s neck. One hand cups Harry’s cheek. Louis rubs his thumb tenderly against the side of Harry’s lips. The smack of their lips is an echo in his ears as Louis groans into Harry’s mouth. He can feel his own fingers trembling just slightly out of pure shock and desperation.

 

Harry shuffles in his seat, his hands scrambling to grip Louis by his waist. The longer they kiss, the more Louis wants. He scrambles onto his knees to straddle Harry’s lap without breaking their kiss.

 

In their hurry and hunger for each other, Louis _slips_.

 

Harry is just in time to grasp him by the arms but they break apart anyway and slide onto the floor.

 

Louis leans backwards, hands pressed against the floor to prop himself up. He stares at Harry’s flushed face, tear streaked and displaying signs of what they’ve just been up to. Harry is still holding Louis by the arms, leaning so forward that his bum is just inches on the sofa. Harry sniffs and lets go. Louis scoots backwards so Harry can sit facing him, legs folded and pressed against his chest.

 

“What was that for?” Louis winces at the sound of Harry’s croaky voice, still thick and hoarse. His gaze follows Harry’s crimson bitten lips, his stuffy nose all the way to his swollen eyes. The light from the kitchen makes Harry’s face glow and Louis can make out his eyelashes caked in tears.

 

Louis moves close enough to be inches apart from Harry who’s patiently waiting for an answer. Louis runs a finger across Harry’s furrowed brows. “Because I love you too.” Harry freezes as if in shock. Louis continues quickly so Harry won’t have a chance to interrupt. “I had to stop you apologising for something you had no control over.” For a moment, a look of hurt crosses Harry’s features. “I was the coward who couldn’t tell you the truth but here you are, having taken a leap.”

 

“Because _you_ told me to.”

 

Louis smiles softly. “I’m glad I did. I thought you’d found a man.”

 

Harry reaches for his hand and Louis lets him, smiling as their fingers slip into the spaces. “It was you.”

 

“I’m so happy right now, Haz.” Louis’ chuckle sounds like a sob. “I thought I had lost you to someone else. That I was too late.” He squeezes their fingers. “And when you told me you wanted to leave, I wanted to disappear. I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long.” He lets her eyes focus on their hands instead. It’s not as intense as looking into Harry’s eyes.

 

“How long?” It’s a question that doesn’t need elaboration.

 

“Since I came out at sixteen. I think I’ve always felt something for you.” Louis grins at the memories of all those years. They seemed to have only ever harvested jealousy and anger and agony. Sharp pain like the blade of a knife.

 

He had witnessed Harry dating other boys but never had the courage to confess his own feelings. “First it was a crush, then jealousy and resentment. Back then I didn’t know what it was exactly or what I wanted. I didn’t want you to give others your attention. I’d have messed it up if we were together _then_. Now feels right.”

 

“So we’ve both been pining for each other?”

 

“Pretty much.” Louis nods.

 

“You remember that time you convinced me to sign up as a volunteer to help the theatre kids with their costumes?”

 

Louis nods but adds. “I was _in_ the play.”

 

“Yeah but the play was put on for little kids.”

 

Harry’s face is bright. The corners of his lips are curled upwards and his nose scrunches as he speaks. “Yeah.”

 

“That’s when I knew I wanted to be _more_ than your friend.”

 

Louis wants to freeze this moment where Harry watches him lovingly and Harry’s words keep playing to the soundtrack of “Something Just Like This”. Instead, he leans over and kisses Harry so fast it seems like it never happened. “I fell in love in the summer of sixty nine.”

 

A suspended moment of silence rings before Harry keels over in a honk of laughter. “You just ruined the moment.” Louis laughs with him, holding Harry’s shoulders and eyes wrinkling into slits.

 

“Seriously,” Louis says as he recovers. “It was secondary school graduation when you brought me a dozen carnations along with a crappy hand made note. That’s when I really knew.”

 

“Wow.” Harry wipes his eyes as he is reduced to chuckling. “What have we been doing this whole time?”

 

Louis shrugs. “Trying not to ruin a friendship apparently.”

 

“Oh god, I love you.” Louis doesn’t protest when Harry crawls over and presses their lips together.

  

“So we’re officially boyfriends.” Harry says when they’re cuddled on the pull out sofa. The ice cream tub is empty and the end credits of Aladdin are playing in the background.

 

Louis switches off the telly, tosses the remote onto the table and tightens the blanket around them. “Can you believe that?”

 

Harry hides a snort in his neck. Louis shifts when it tickles him.

 

“We’re going to be grandparents to Gertie’s babies.” Louis sighs wistfully, staring at the fish tank. There’s no sign of Gertie, probably sleeping soundly in its coral.

 

“Gertie’s a boy.” Harry deadpans.

 

Louis turns his head to face Harry with a look of horror. “What?”

 

This time Harry doesn’t hold back his laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you leave some kudos or even a nonsensical comment. This is what I eat for fuel for writing haha.
> 
> I'd really love it if you reblog the [fic post](http://hazzabooween.tumblr.com/post/159230994031/how-much-you-wanna-risk-by-offwiththeirheads).


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